more waiting

So, I went in to see the surgeon yesterday. I thought I was going to get the results of the tests and discuss the doctor's willingness to do surgery. However, it did not go as I planned. The brain MRI was clean. The CT scan was clean besides this unusual spot on the liver that did not appear to be cancer. The Pet scan however, showed a 2 cm spot on the liver. So now we have conflicting tests. In order to figure out if it is cancer or not they wanted to do a biopsy. They scheduled me for an ultrasound guided biopsy that day. So the brief appointment turned into an all day affair.

The surgeon said she was definitely willing to do the chest wall ressection if the biopsy comes back negative. She said the surgery will only give me a 15-20% chance of beating the cancer and although she will typically never do this surgery with that percentage she felt that I look great a year after chemo. I am young and "healthy" and she was willing to do whatever she could to help me have a longer life.

I went int about 2 pm for the ultrasound. They could find the spot on the ultrasound but it looked much smaller then on the Pet scan. So they did a biopsy through my stomach - actually they took 2. The hope is that they got the spot and will get an accurate result as to if it is cancer or not. If it comes back as clean the doctors have to decide if it really is accurate or not, because of the large spot on the Pet scan they have to firgure out what it is before we continue.

If it really is negative then in the next 2 weeks I will have surgery. If it is cancer then I will begin radiation and chemo. If it is cancer then the only thing they can do is try to control it to elongate my life as long as they can.

As you can probably realize, I am not happy with this choice. I don't want to have months to live. I want to be here for years. I want to see my baby grow up. I am willing to sacrifice mobility in my left arm and all the complications that will come along with the chest wall ressection if it can possibly give me more time.

The chance of it curing me is so small, but at least it is a chance and it is one I have to take.