Biopsy Results

Well, I got home pretty late Tuesday night... just in time for bed. My sister and mom and dad had taken my little one home with them so I could sleep the night through - hopefully. Kenzie had not been sleeping well this week. She knows something is going on and has been restless.

I was supposed to get the biopsy results Thursday; however my oncologist knew I had an appointment Thursday and that Dean would not be home until later. So she kept checking for the results and called me at 9:40pm Wednesday with the results.

The cancer has spread to my liver. I am now at stage IV. This is not curable; only treatable for a time. This result made the surgery null and void. It would be pointless go through the pain and all the problems it can cause when it can not cure me. Therefore, I began radiation today.

The radiation itself is not painful yet, but it is very painful to lay with my arms above my head for 2 hours. Today they did x-rays and at my request a radiation treatment. I asked they start treatments today because my chest looks worse and worse everyday. The redness is spreading before my eyes and it is swelling daily. I felt I needed to do something to stop the spread.

I am going to try to take a stronger pain medication before my appointment tomorrow and lorazepam (at their suggestion) to see if it will make it less painful. It has been hours and I am still sore from my appt.

Tomorrow morning I have intervenous Herceptin (Her2 blocker that did not work before but they have no other options) and then I have radiation at noon. It will be a long day.

My sister is leaving Saturday, but it was wonderful to have her here while I could. I will have radiation daily for 6 weeks... the worse thing is the radiation is being given in Madison 45 min one way... it will be long days and very expensive. And if the pain does not get better it will be very hard on me mentally, emotionally, and physically. I was in tears during the treatment and had to ask them to stop to give my shoulders and arm a rest.

I am very upset at the results and confused as to why God is allowing this to happen and to let it get worse and worse. I am frustrated that I never seem to get a break and nothing is ever easy for me. I know God has a plan I just wish He would clue me in so I could know what is going on and maybe have more acceptance to my ultimate fate.