I finished radiation October 20th. By then my skin was starting to break open, but I knew the worst was yet to come. Radiation continues to work in the body 7 to 10 days after the last treatment. During that time daily it gets worse. The skin continues to burn and die and peel away.
This time is much worse then last. A much larger area has broken open, and I am having to change the dressings a lot more often. It is very painful, itches, and burns. I have to wash off the silvadine cream between applications. That is excrutiating.
The doctor prescribed my sleeping pills to help me sleep, because for months now I've had a hard time sleeping. Since last year they offered me sleep aids but I refused them because I wanted to be sure to be able to hear Kenzie in the night. But we got to the point where I had to get sleep or I'd not heal.
Fortunately, the pills helped me sleep but did not knock me out so I could hear and care for Kenzie.... then the pain got so bad the pills have not affect, but hopefully it will get better soon.
My doctor wanted to get me into a drug trial, but my insurance will not cover it because it is only in stage 2. My doctor thought it was in a much later stage... Since it is not then we will begin Navulbine (chemo) along with Herceptin Friday.
This course of treatment is 2 weeks on 1 week off. So I'll be going in 2 fridays in a row then have one friday off. I am also scheduled for a PET scan and MRI of the liver on Nov 2nd. This will allow us to see if the cancer has spread in the last 7 weeks of no treatment for the cancer in the liver and lymph node.
Pray for healing, for rest, for strength, and for patience.
Thank you all for being there for me.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Next Step
I have finished my 25 radiation treatments (Wednesday actually). So glad to be done, but now the worst part comes. The radiation continues to work in the body 7 to 10 days... so my skin will continue to burn off, open up, and peel away. It is very painful and frustrating.
I have cream to put on it and devised a way to keep padding in place. I also have pain medication, but try to only take it when necessary... which is becoming more consistent.
The doctor also put me on ambien. For over a year the doctor's have wanted to put me on some kind os sleep aid ( I have not been able to sleep very well ). BUT since I have a young child I did not want to take something that would make me not hear her if she needs me.... However, recently it's been much worse. I go to sleep ok but then wake up around 1 or so then can't fall asleep for at times hours... The doctor said I really need to be getting more sleep so my body can heal and fight this so.... ambien.
The first night (Wednesday) I sent Kenzie to my mom's so she'd be safe if I slept too hard to hear her. The pharmacist and doctor told me to make sure I am ready for bed before I take it, take it 30 min before wanting to go to sleep, and give myself 8 hours of sleeping time....
Any of you who know me really well, know that I never react the way other people do. A couple of instances :
Nyquil keeps me awake
Valium does not put me to sleep (not even 2 taken with 2 oxycodone)
Took the Ambien... was super tired anyway thought I'd fall asleep right away.... NOPE... Dean was snoring right in my ear and I couldn't. So I made him roll over and he was quiet long enough to fall asleep. Woke up at 2:30am... Yeah I was thinking "Are you kidding me.... sleeping pills?"
Used the restroom and fell back to sleep quickly.... better then up an hour or more... Woke up again with Dean's alarm (3:40am) but fell back to sleep right away... then woke up around 6 something then off and on till 10.
So no fear of not hearing Kenzie.. but I do feel it is allowing me to go back to sleep faster and sleep harder because I do feel more rested.
ANYWAY.... November 2nd I have a Pet scan and MRI of liver followed by an appt with my oncologist the 5th. I willstart my new chemo this day as well.
I have cream to put on it and devised a way to keep padding in place. I also have pain medication, but try to only take it when necessary... which is becoming more consistent.
The doctor also put me on ambien. For over a year the doctor's have wanted to put me on some kind os sleep aid ( I have not been able to sleep very well ). BUT since I have a young child I did not want to take something that would make me not hear her if she needs me.... However, recently it's been much worse. I go to sleep ok but then wake up around 1 or so then can't fall asleep for at times hours... The doctor said I really need to be getting more sleep so my body can heal and fight this so.... ambien.
The first night (Wednesday) I sent Kenzie to my mom's so she'd be safe if I slept too hard to hear her. The pharmacist and doctor told me to make sure I am ready for bed before I take it, take it 30 min before wanting to go to sleep, and give myself 8 hours of sleeping time....
Any of you who know me really well, know that I never react the way other people do. A couple of instances :
Nyquil keeps me awake
Valium does not put me to sleep (not even 2 taken with 2 oxycodone)
Took the Ambien... was super tired anyway thought I'd fall asleep right away.... NOPE... Dean was snoring right in my ear and I couldn't. So I made him roll over and he was quiet long enough to fall asleep. Woke up at 2:30am... Yeah I was thinking "Are you kidding me.... sleeping pills?"
Used the restroom and fell back to sleep quickly.... better then up an hour or more... Woke up again with Dean's alarm (3:40am) but fell back to sleep right away... then woke up around 6 something then off and on till 10.
So no fear of not hearing Kenzie.. but I do feel it is allowing me to go back to sleep faster and sleep harder because I do feel more rested.
ANYWAY.... November 2nd I have a Pet scan and MRI of liver followed by an appt with my oncologist the 5th. I willstart my new chemo this day as well.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Why Me?
Since I was diagnosed many people have asked me "why you" They have told me I am such a good person and I don't deserve it. I have been asked if I have asked God "Why Me?..... my answer is NO. My response to those people were - "Why not me". You see bad things happen to good people and bad people alike, and although it seems people who choose to live a sinful life get away with everything and nothing bad every happens to them... that is not the reality. We just pay more attention to the "good" people who are afflicted with trials.
The questions I do ask God are:
"Why now?"
-why now when I am in a young marriage and have a little baby girl who needs me?
"Why can't anything ever be easy?"
-it seems that whenever something happens to me it is the most difficult thing, or hardest to fix, etc...
"Why won't He heal me?"
-I've been diagnosed with the cancer, had it come back, then have it once again come back and spread to my liver making me stage IV.
****Is it okay to question God? Of course. Jesus Himself asked God "why hast thou forsaken me" He also asked God to "take this cup from me"... even though He knew He would still have to die for our sins His human side asked God to take it from Him.
Paul asked God 3 times to take his afflication from him. And Job too asked God to heal him....
It is okay to question God, and to ask Him to heal us. However, we must remember that His answer may very well be "NO". As with Jesus and Paul. But it may be yes as with Job.
We are to pray believing that God can do it; we are to have faith that He can do it..... but we also need to not be bitter or angry if God decides to say no.
The questions I do ask God are:
"Why now?"
-why now when I am in a young marriage and have a little baby girl who needs me?
"Why can't anything ever be easy?"
-it seems that whenever something happens to me it is the most difficult thing, or hardest to fix, etc...
"Why won't He heal me?"
-I've been diagnosed with the cancer, had it come back, then have it once again come back and spread to my liver making me stage IV.
****Is it okay to question God? Of course. Jesus Himself asked God "why hast thou forsaken me" He also asked God to "take this cup from me"... even though He knew He would still have to die for our sins His human side asked God to take it from Him.
Paul asked God 3 times to take his afflication from him. And Job too asked God to heal him....
It is okay to question God, and to ask Him to heal us. However, we must remember that His answer may very well be "NO". As with Jesus and Paul. But it may be yes as with Job.
We are to pray believing that God can do it; we are to have faith that He can do it..... but we also need to not be bitter or angry if God decides to say no.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Radiation
I have completed 17 treatments and have 8 more to go. At this point I am just tender... getting more tender everyday. It does make me tired, but thus far it is not too bad. At first the treatment itself was so painful - not because of the radiation, that I can't feel - laying on my back with my arms straight back over my head for 1 1/2 hours was excrutiating.
The nurses changed the order of how the treatments were being done to shorten it out to 1 hour, and they gave me pain medication plus a muscle relaxer. Even then the last 20 minutes were unbearable. So they started giving me a break in the middle to get up and walk around and stretch and rub the muscle that really spasms during this. That has helped a lot.
Because of the medication I am taking the doctor does not want me to drive so I have to have a driver and a babysitter everyday. Fortunately, my church has been great! They have volunteered for either one or both and have been a huge help and encouragment to me! They have also provided meals to make it easier on me when I get back from my appointment.
This treatment is being done at the UW East Clinic - which has been a help since it is only 45 min away rather then 1 1/2 hours away.
I am to have an MRI of the liver sometime in the near future to get a better look at the cancer and how big it is. This will give us a baseline. If it does not grow or spread then they can remove that portion of the liver in 6 months to a year. My oncologist also wants to do a CT scan of the lungs... which confused me so I spoke to my radiation oncologist about it, and he said we need to keep re-staging me to see where the cancer is and if it is growing or spreading... He felt I should have a full body PET scan. Which I agree. The cancer did not show on a CT scan so why would we want to do it again. He plans on talking to my oncologist and get us all on the same page.
After radiation I will begin chemotherapy. At this time I do not know exactly what we are looking at... I will know more when I have my appointment with her the beginning of November. I am guessing the scans will also determine the full course of treatment as well.
There are some long term - possible - side effects from the radiation. I might possibly have breaking down of the skin later on down road and have open sores for the rest of my life... but the benefits out way the risks.
At this point I don't have time to really stop and think about what is really going on or what could happen. I am getting up everyday, taking care of Kenzie, getting us ready for me to leave (and maybe her too) for my appointment, going to the appointment, getting dinner together, watching Kenzie, then bed. I really have not had time to think alot which is probably a good thing.
Right now I am doing what is necessary and that's all there is to it. We are also trying to do more natural things as well.. mostly teas, juicing, and lots of veggies... doing what we can is all we can do.
thank you all for your prayers.
The nurses changed the order of how the treatments were being done to shorten it out to 1 hour, and they gave me pain medication plus a muscle relaxer. Even then the last 20 minutes were unbearable. So they started giving me a break in the middle to get up and walk around and stretch and rub the muscle that really spasms during this. That has helped a lot.
Because of the medication I am taking the doctor does not want me to drive so I have to have a driver and a babysitter everyday. Fortunately, my church has been great! They have volunteered for either one or both and have been a huge help and encouragment to me! They have also provided meals to make it easier on me when I get back from my appointment.
This treatment is being done at the UW East Clinic - which has been a help since it is only 45 min away rather then 1 1/2 hours away.
I am to have an MRI of the liver sometime in the near future to get a better look at the cancer and how big it is. This will give us a baseline. If it does not grow or spread then they can remove that portion of the liver in 6 months to a year. My oncologist also wants to do a CT scan of the lungs... which confused me so I spoke to my radiation oncologist about it, and he said we need to keep re-staging me to see where the cancer is and if it is growing or spreading... He felt I should have a full body PET scan. Which I agree. The cancer did not show on a CT scan so why would we want to do it again. He plans on talking to my oncologist and get us all on the same page.
After radiation I will begin chemotherapy. At this time I do not know exactly what we are looking at... I will know more when I have my appointment with her the beginning of November. I am guessing the scans will also determine the full course of treatment as well.
There are some long term - possible - side effects from the radiation. I might possibly have breaking down of the skin later on down road and have open sores for the rest of my life... but the benefits out way the risks.
At this point I don't have time to really stop and think about what is really going on or what could happen. I am getting up everyday, taking care of Kenzie, getting us ready for me to leave (and maybe her too) for my appointment, going to the appointment, getting dinner together, watching Kenzie, then bed. I really have not had time to think alot which is probably a good thing.
Right now I am doing what is necessary and that's all there is to it. We are also trying to do more natural things as well.. mostly teas, juicing, and lots of veggies... doing what we can is all we can do.
thank you all for your prayers.
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