I am wanting help from anyone who lost a parent when they were young. I want to know if your parent did or left you anything that made growing up without them easier.
I have a book that I have written letters in for her. They mostly are for specific ages to help through puberty and give her advice on how to act... what is right and wrong. I also have a scrapbook of me and her and me together... and many of all of us as she grows up.
I have a hope chest that I have filled with things that are important to me or special in anyway that I want to pass down to her, and I have put notes on everything to tell her what it is and what it meant to me.
I have a couple little video clips of her and I together so she can see me with her and hopefully see how much I love her.
I started doing these things shortly after I was diagnosed, because I wanted to be sure she would "remember" me. I also figured that even if God heals me she would like to have these things some day anyway.
I still have both of my parents and really don't know what would mean most to someone who has lost a parent. I am hoping there are some people out there who have some ideas for me.... Thanks for any advice :)
I don't have direct experience, but the few videos we have of my brother are precious. Just to hear his voice is nice. Of course it takes a while to be okay with watching them, but I like to hear and see him in those videos hanging out with us.
ReplyDeleteThat is a good idea... it is uncomfortable for me to be on video but I think it would be good for her to have
DeleteI am so sorry to hear that you and your family are going through this. I lost my dad at 9 years old. He committed suicide, so to me, it was sudden. He did not leave me anything. My grandma, his mom, has been really good about giving me things and pictures that were my dads. I have old photos of him, childhood videos, his ceramic hand print as a child and a few other things. It means a lot to me to have these items that were his, especially since I am a mother now and I can "show" my kids their grandfather since they have never met him. I am praying that you overcome this and that your daughter won't receive these items for a long time, but it is a great thing that you are doing. I hope that helps!
ReplyDeleteReading your post brought tears to my eyes. I cannot imagine the position that you are in. I've never met you, but I am friends with Ginny Logan. My father was killed in a plane crash when I was 19 years old, so I'm not sure how much of this will relate, but I will try. The things that have meant the most to me: his Bible, and having the privilage to see what He had underlined. His friends. His family. Pictures. Videos. My dad was killed suddenly. We had no warning. It's very different from having an illness, and knowing what to expect. But above all else, I have always searched for signs of what he thought was important. Things he underlined in books.....the papers that were found in his Bible..... I would have LOVED LOVED LOVED to been given an entire chest of things he wanted me to have! :) You have wonderful ideas.
ReplyDeleteThank you. I am making notes and marking my bible by color code for subject... I am hoping it shows her what I found important and what I wanted to live by. I am also keeping all the cards people have sent and I have kept all the cards my husbands ever given me. I have them wrapped in ribbon by who they were from with notes on them. They have their own little chest.
DeleteI lost my Dad when i was 10 due to heart problems and later on was put in foster care and adopted by amazing people. The thing ive held onto most is a bear that he has while he was in the hospital my family has given me and my sister things since then Nd i treasure everything. I have a movie of him helping me walk I think about him everyday .... its the small things memories pictures videos that are so dear to me...i hope this helps and ill be praying for you!
ReplyDeleteSomething a friend did for her children was she recorded her voice reading books. Then, she numbered the books with the recording. Then, her children can hear her voice reading to them the exact book they are looking at in their hands. The videos and letters are great too. Praying for you and your family.
ReplyDeleteI have several recordable books I have recorded for her, but hadn't thought of that for regular books!
DeleteI lost my grandmother to cancer so this isn't directly related. Something that was so comforting to me was an article of clothing that I remember her wearing often. My grandpa had different pieces of clothing made into blankets for us grandkids and it means the world to me. I also remember just after she died opening her drawers and closet and loving that I could smell "her". If you have a scent you wear maybe put a bottle of it in the chest for her. Praying for you and your family during this time.
ReplyDeleteI actually wear several different perfumes... not really sure which one she associate to me or none at all since I only wear perfume occasionally... but I have thought when the time comes to wear a shirt to bed several times and set it aside for her to have when I am first gone and she is wanting me.
DeleteI simply cannot imagine what you're going through or feeling. My mom passed away suddenly this summer and while going through her things I found a cook book that she had made for me with all of our family favorites. It was an amazing find. :O) My uncle passed away a few years ago from his courageous battle with cancer as well. He planned a birthday gift for his daughter from the year he passed until she was age 18 that had a letter attached for each year. He topped it off with a strand of pearls for his daughter's wedding day so he could be with her. I will be praying for you and your family.
ReplyDeleteThat is a great idea! The gifts until age 18... I might have to do that! Thabks!
DeleteI have not personally experienced this but I have heard of people leaving a letter for their kids to read on their wedding day, each birthday, even at Christmas etc. you might already have done that in the ones you have prepared.
ReplyDeleteWhen my grandmother died, I was the oldest grandchild, and she left me a book. It was a prepared book she filled out answering specific questions - included how she and grandpa met, facts about her growing up, favorite things growing up, facts about my dad growing up, favorite recipes, etc. It had a family tree in it too.
My sister gave me a book that is like that where you fill out answers to questions about your childhood, dating, marriage, and having children... I have it mostly filled out. Plus I have scrapbooks too. I am going to write her letters for those special days to be given to her at those times.
ReplyDeleteI just read your good news, Melanie, and will continue praying for complete healing. Ginny Logan who is a very special friend to me is good about keeping us updated. I love that you are preparing all these things for your precious daughter and I think we really all should do this whether we are ill or not. I lost my father to cancer when I was just 8 yrs old and btw my husband also has cancer and we have five small children so this whole subject is something that I am very sensitive about. I am sitting here even NOW choking back tears. And, as my husband says, "We are ALL essentially terminal." We should live everyday as if it may be our last because eventually it WILL be. So, while your recent news is very encouraging, I still felt compelled to comment. Hope you don't mind.
ReplyDeleteThe moment I learned my dad had died I ran to his bed and cried. I don't remember any particular cologne he wore but his room, his bed, his clothes just smelled like him. I remember too cuddling up in his closet to cry on a few occasions in the weeks following his death. I know that scents can be preserved for only so long but it is a great comfort in the beginning.
I have a good amount of pictures of my dad for the day in which he lived (he died in 1976) but I could probably scare up a meager three pictures that we are in a picture together :( and none with just him and me. I am sure you have a vast amount of pics so that is very good.
I have a few things of his here and there but they are just things. They are special indeed since they are ALL I have but I would love to know they were meant for me purposefully and to have a note as to why he wanted me to have it.
I would love, love, love to have anything in writing from him to me, written in his own hand...I think of all the struggles I faced growing up. Not that a note from him would have changed all that considerably but it would have relieved HUGE question marks. What did he think of me? What were his dreams for me? What do I do about boys? How would he want me to act with them? What should my standards be? What did he think about or how did he feel about my mom? What were his favorite things about me or what did he like to do with me? How did he want me to face his death after he was gone?
So, all that to say that I think you are doing all the right things. If I had even one note I would treasure it...your sweet little girl will have a whole treasure trove whenever that day may come ;). Keep up the good work!
Dear Sue,
ReplyDeleteI can't tell you how much your comment means to me... to know from personal experience what my little girl will think or feel is so reassuring to me that I am doing what is right.. and you've given me more ideas to write to her. Thank you for sharing your pain with me and helping me to help my baby.
My husband and I have talked about her needing scents and figured he will have to keep my pajamas and pillow unwashed for her as long as he can... since that should keep my scent the longest. I am praying this time is far in the future but so need to be prepared. It helps me actually to prepare so I can feel like I am able to control something...
Thank you again and please know I appreciate your sharing and will pray for you and your husband. As you know I understand and feel your pain.