I have never been very good at waiting... I am the type of person who likes to give and open gifts early! I mean really... when you get a gift for someone aren't you just so excited about giving it to them that you want to give it to them now! And I know there has to be a rule about gifts coming in the mail. When it comes in the mail you don't have to wait until the day, you get to open it right away!
I say all that simply to show slight proof of my lack of waiting skills. I don't like it in anything. I want to know what is going on right now, not tomorrow. I get anxious waiting to find out information in regards to my health.
Needless to say, during this entire battle it has been non-stop waiting. Waiting and worrying for the unknown. Worst of all it seems to never end. Just when I am given some good news, I am also given some "this may be bad, but we don't know" news with it. Talk about nerve racking! I can never celebrate the good news, because attached to it is a dark cloud of fear of the unknown.
I was positive after my first round of chemo and surgery that I had beat this thing... but not even 2 weeks later there was an unknown rash on my chest... turned out to be cancer, but the radiation was supposed to take care of it and appeared to. At that point I again thought, "I am done, we got it". I was on oral chemo for 6 months after that, and 2 months after I stopped chemo another rash appeared... the cancer again was back.
By this point I had given up thinking I was done. I knew I wasn't and my doctor made sure I knew that there was no chance of beating it. Plus the disappointment in having my hopes dashed nonstop was too much. I'd rather think on the worse side and be given good news then think it's all good and be given bad news.
I again had radiation to stop it, then began chemo once again. Through out this treatment I was preparing for the end. I began writing letters to Kenzie, and putting away things I wanted her to have. I even went through my closet and got rid of things I thought I'd never wear again. My doctor had made it quite clear that at stage IV this cancer was going to take my life, and with the aggressive nature of my cancer she only gave me 6 months.
Throughout these months my cancer continued to spread and grow although I was receiving treatment. It was during this that a friend told me about the clinic in GA. In talking to the doctor there I actually got a dash of hope. Hope I was afraid to even grasp on to, but wanted so badly to have. It was this treatment that finally turned my cancer around.
Finally my scans showed the cancer to be shrinking! I was so excited! The next scan showed the cancer to be gone in my liver and not growing in the other areas... and of course there was a but... BUT the redness on my chest had showed in the scan as lighting up brighter and may be the cancer...
So again we wait and re-scan. The next scan it lights up less so it probably isn't cancer, but my doctor makes sure I know she feels it is only a short time before it begins to grow again. Then some of the symptoms I was experiencing makes my doctor worry it may be in the brain. So another scan and the answer "there is a questionable area in the brain but we can't say for sure if it is or isn't cancer"! So again we wait... and wait... then rescan. The results "the spot is still there. We can't say if it is or isn't cancer, but if it is it's not growing so that's good" Again we wait. During this time I am not receiving any chemo so the cancer could very well be spreading in other organs and we wouldn't even know, because my doctor wants to wait 3 months before we scan!
So I have a questionable area in my brain that may be cancer, but it's not growing so the treatment isn't worth giving until it does grow. I am getting a much needed break from the chemo, but we won't know for 3 months if that break cost us and the cancer was growing unbeknownts to us. Although my doctor does continually tell me that she feels it will grow within a couple months whether on chemo or not. So in other words in her opinion it doesn't matter what we do I have no hope.
What my doctor doesn't know, is that my God can do anything. Yes, I hate the unknown and I hate waiting, but I do have hope. Although I hate getting my hopes up and having them dashed, I do believe that God can take this cancer from me or give me more time if He so chooses. Look what He has already done! According to my doctor I should be dead by now, but he took the untraditional treatment and stopped the cancer from growing and reversed some of it! He did what she didn't think was possible!
If I didn't have God to lean on during this "wait and see time" I think I would lose my mind! I don't know how someone who doesn't have faith in God can make it through cancer. He is my strength and hope. He holds me up when I can't go on. He also gives me peace in the knowledge of life after death. I know that if I don't win this battle it is okay. Although I don't want to leave my earthly family, I know that in death I get to be with Christ. He has prepared a home for me! Without that knowledge I would have no hope, no peace.
However, even in death that is still waiting for the unknown... death is unknown to me too. I have not experienced it and don't know what to expect, so that too gives me a little anxiety. But, I know who I have believed in and am persuaded that he is able to keep that which I've commited to unto Him against that day.
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Thursday, August 4, 2011
1000 thanks
1. morning sunlight
2. patter of little feet
3. delicious homemade cappuccino
4. cool morning amongst hot days
5. little girl's excitement from pottying in potty chair
6. rubs from a kitty
7. little girl kisses
8. morning cuddles
9. warm showers
10. shaving cream (this may seem dumb, but really it is a huge blessing!!!)
11. kitty chasing water drops on shower curtain
12. little kisses from out of the blue
13. cuddly little girl hugs
14. I love you too's
15. friends who reach out
16. cool breeze from the air conditioner
17. continued work for my husband
18. beautiful blooms
19. bunny laying in the grass
20. giggles
21. smiles
22. tired little eyes
23. folding tiny clothes
24. energy to do some shopping
25. home grown veggies
26. homemade pumpkin oie in the oven
27. people making a point to say "hi"
28. fresh applie pie smell
29. sleepy "hi mommy"'s
30. birds singing in the trees
31. cool morning
32. Kenzie saying "Mommy, that was sweet..."
33. prayer before meals
34. reading time before bed
35. Story time with Kenzie
36. Kenzie talking to her toys
37. imagination
38. glitter and glue
39. movie time
40. dancing little munchkin
41. "look at me mom" 's
42. kisses from a sweet little girl when you don't know it's coming
43. camera to capture memories
44. "I want to take a picture" from Kenzie to me... with me
45. teaching Kenzie how to cut
46. going out with friends
47. experiencing something new for Kenzie through her eyes
48. family walks
49. people planning an outing with us
50. "You look beautiful mommy"
51. "you're my mommy!'
52. dinner with the parents
53. beauty of green plants
54. watching Kenzie wake up
55. rain lightly falling in the grass
(Mackenzie center outing)
56. sleeping skunk
57. playful otter
58. racoon climbing a fence to entertain us
59. beautiful doe playing peek a bo in the trees
60. dirt smeared smiling face
61. mountain lion gracefully pacing
62. lynx sleeping so cute on a branch
63. Kenzie's excitement to play with kids
64. invitations to hang out
65. adult conversation
66. having another woman interested in friendship
67. a chance to have honest, sincere conversation
68. knowing someone cares about me and my life
69. golden corn tassles standing tall
70. leaves moving in the breeze
71. ground hog running across the road
72. puppy chasing a butterfly
73. strangers donating money toward my cancer fund
74. brat fry's
75. quiet time
76. football season
77. parades
78. smell of rain
79. beautiful rainbows
80. sun peeking through the clouds
81. smell of freshly mowed grass
82. good physical therapist
83. muscle relief
84. Bridgette watching Kenzie
85. kids Kenzie loves to play with
86. smell of clean laundery floating on the wind
87. bright starts shining in the sky
88. peaceful evening
89. bonfires
90. smores all sticky and sweet
91. conviction to do what's right
92. anticipating my sister's visit
93. visiting with my sister
94. family games
95. cool cave on a hot day (cave of the mounds)
96. pretty colors on cave walls
97. beautiful ctalagmytes
98. digging for treasures
99. panning for "gold"
100. Kenzie's face seeing new things
101. Kenzie playing with her cousins
102. laughs and giggles
103. running and playing
104. tag and races
105. Kayla "mothering" Kenzie
106. pig races
107. horse talking to us
108. Llama lips tickling my hand
109. goat squeezing his head through the fence for food
110. baby mini horse cuddling with his mama
111. tiny baby goat playing king of the hay mound
112. Kayla, Caleb, and Nathan riding fair rides together
113. Angie, Kayla, Caleb, Kenzie and I racing on a slide
114. Kenzie and Nana riding a ferris wheel together
115. Daddy and I riding on ferris wheel
116. Family time at the fair
117. cheese curds and battered mushrooms!
118. snow cone to cool us on a super hot day
119. girl time - me, mom, and Angie
120. Shopping deals
121. Christmas shopping
122. Caleb hugs and kisses
123. Kayla hugs and cuddles
124. Nathan hugs
125."love you Auntie Mel" 's
126. Mom and Angie "cupping" me
127. Quality time with my sister
128. Kayla pushing Kenzie in the stroller
129. Kayla helping Kenzie go potty
130. Kayla pushing Kenzie on the swing
131. Kids playing tag
132. Gramps wrestling with the grandkids
133. whole family together for a BBQ
134. Pontoon Ride
135. Uncle Blake jumping in the lake so Kenzie could go in
136. Caleb driving the boat like a big boy
137. Kenzie helping steer
138. the men climbing a huge tree to put up a swing
139. awesome swing
140. Dean trying to give Angie an underdog
141. baseball with the kids
142. sticky marshmallows on Kenzie's lips
143. family jesting
144. rootbeer floats
145. a listening ear
146. good advice
147. helpful friends
148. a call from my brother
149. little girl with dry undies all night and day
150. pain subsiding
151. fresh vegetables
152. amazing blue sky
153. fluffy white clouds floating by
154. quiet walks
155. long talk with God
156. beautiful colors God painted our world with
157. black-burgandy leaves on a tree
158. differen shades of green on trees and bushes
159. contrasting textures in nature
160. Mackenzie making up songs
161. fresh baked oatmeal cookies
162. lunch with a friend
163. adult conversation
164. beautiful cool days
165. exercise
166. accountability
167. Bible study with a friend
168. slobbery Kenzie kisses
169. "cuddle me mom"'s
170. family fishing time
171. Kenzie loving to fish with her fishing "hole"
172. watching Kenzie learning to cast
173. reeling in her fish with daddy
174. a husband who works hard and long to provide for us
175. husband working on the cars
176. Kenzie licking her ice cream bowl clean
177. swinging with my baby
178. buttery corn on the cob
179. leaves just beginning to change colors
180. smell of laundry drying
181. clean sheets washed with downy
182. crisp morning air
183. sunset boat ride
184. wedding in the park
185. red roses
186. good turnout with first fondant attempt
187. playful kitty
188. meal with friends
189. dad's dessert
190. oatmeal raisin cookies scenting up my house
191. Fall decorations
192. answered prayer
193. appraisal coming back where we need it
194. 2 1/2% interest cut on loan
195. beautiful sunset on the water
196. boat ride with family and friends
197. fishing with Kenzie and Dean and friends
198. moonlight on the lake
199. help from a stranger
200. Dean's handiness
201. giving friends and neighbors
202. another year with Kenzie
203. breezy day
204. colorful flowers in my yard
205. water trickling down a waterfall
206. wonderful walk with Kenzie
207. amazing oranges, reds and yellows on a tree
208. peaceful, quiet moments in nature
209. water fountains
210. picking up colorful leaves
211. beautiful weather for Kenzie's birthday party
212. time with friends and family
213. time and ability to make Kenzie's cake
214. curious daughter
215. thoughtful friends
216. watching Kenzie play with other kids
217. the joy on Kenzie's face opening her gifts
218. pinata breaking and kids scrambling for candy
219.sense of accomplishment
220. freshly picked apples
221. gorgeous piano special
222. uplifting music
223. Kenzie running with balloons
224. imagination
225. ribbons blowing in the wind
226. memories
227. finding the perfect gift for my sister
228. Kenzie "doctoring" me
229. friends willing to help
230. quiet time with God
231. prayer
232. knowing other are praying for me
233. studying Job
234. walk with leaves scattered around me
235. thoughtful card
236. colorful mums
237. pumpkins, round and orange
238. cozy home
239. knowing my baby loves me!
240. holding Kenzie while she sleeps
241. Kenzie comforting me
242. rainbow hues in bubbles
243. Kenzie chasing bubbles
244. making a leaf craft with Kenzie
245. comfort from a friend
246. parents trying to hid that they are worried
247. hovering parents because they care
248. beautiful weather for a walk
249. bright red leaves
250. candle burning
251. quick timing for radio surgery
252. good doctors
253. drugs to help calm me during the procedure
254. family to "entertain" me
255. family to comfort me
256. pastor who takes the time to visit and encourage and pray
257. strength to make it through and endure a scary ordeal
258. family to help during recovery
259. strength and energy for my husband
260. Kenzie being "gentle"
261. Kenzie telling me she "knows how it feels"
262. and saying "it's okay mommy, I'm here now"
263. watching Kenzie play... so much imagination
264. the hope my doctor gave that the surgery should stop the cancer in the brain
265. help from friends spur of the moment
266. answered prayer
267. less pain then I thought I would experience
268. flowers delivered to my door
269. friends helping with Kenzie
270. mom taking time to help with rides and Kenzie
271. last minute help
272. closer place for natural treatment
273. beautiful Fall
274. leaves floating down from the trees
275. bright orange pumpkin
276. pretty white pumpkin
277. hayride on a warm fall day
278. watching Kenzie enjoy a train ride
279. family putt-putt golf
280. Kenzie "testing" the air to golf
281. meals provided during a hard time
282. ducks "fishing" in a pond
283. tight kenzie hugs
284. "I love you so much mom"'s
285. the opportunity to talk to someone who truly understands
286. road covered in leaves surrounded by trees
287. Christmas music
288. Kenzie excited to see me
289. "Mommy I'm so glad your here"'s
290. helpful friends
291. compassion
292. genuine interest in me and what's going on
293. best physical therapist ever
294. candle burning on a dreary day
295. doctor who cares
296. beautiful, long-lasting Fall colors
297. smell of my wood burning stove
298. watching flames flicker
299. family dinner at the in-laws
300. the love of my beautiful daughter
301. Kenzie dancing with her daddy
302. un-abandoned laughter
303. joy in the simple things
304. Fall beauty
305. God's majestic handiwork
306. God's protection
307. the help of friends
308. day with my mother-in-law
309. Kenzie doing "tricks" on the bed (acrobatics)
310. warm fire on a chilly day
311. scrapbooking
312. pictures to tell our memories
313. first snow
314. Kenzie - "look it's snowing, it's wintering out!"
315. cuddling by the fire
316. large, fluffy, white snowflakes
317. snowball fight with kenzie
318. building a snowman
319. Kenzie hugging ma and Dean and saying "It's a fun wonderland"
320. Fellowship with a friend
321. Kenzie playing with her friends
322. Energy to accomplish some projects
323. The Lord giving me a slow, easy week
324. Christmas music
325. Decorating for Christmas
326. Anticipating the holidays
327. Cuddling with my kitty
328. The Lord providing unexpectedly
329. Shopping for presents
330. Friends willing to help out
331. Kenzie telling me I look beautiful
332. Safe birth for my cousins baby
333. Safety for a friend who had a heart attack
334. Amazing PET results
335. Radiation oncologist who remembers and cares
336. Wonderful people all over the world praying for me
337. Mom who takes me to many appointments
338. Mother-in-law who stays over to watch Kenzie
339. Family and friends there for the ups and downs
340. beautiful, cool, crisp weather
341. Awesome cell phone
342. Ability to keep in contact with people with a simple key stroke
343. Energy to do the laundry
344. Stamina to clean the house
345. Less side effects to chemo this week
346. Strength to care for Kenzie
347. Good days after chemo
348. Christmas parade
349. Sparkly lights on our tree
350. Spirit of Christmas
351. Buying gifts for family
352. Early gifts :)
353. Silly Kenzie
354. Friends for Kenzie
355. Getting closer to people
356. Getting to know friends better
357. Spending time with others
358. Watching a movie by the fire
359. Christmas treats
360. Helpful husband when I really need him
361. Doodlebug the clown stopping by
362. Watching Kenzie enjoy Doodlebug
363. Anticipation of Christmas
364. Strength to enjoy my baby
365. Snow on Christmas Eve
366. Kenzie's excitement over opening gifts
367. Suprising Dean with his gifts
368. Peeling back wrapping paper
369. Skype to watch extended family open our gifts
370. Watching others enjoy the gifts we give
371. Quality time with Dean and Kenzie
372. Enjoying another Christmas
373. Hearing Kenzie re-tell her story of running over a boy on a sled
374. Getting to spend more time with Dean
375. Sledding at night with Dean and Kenzie
376. Watching Kenzie walk up the hill pulling her sled with dad
377. The feel of wind and snow on my face
378. Energy to play in the snow with kenzie
379. Less side effects to chemo recently
380. Celebrating Dean's 40th birthday
381. Friends taking time to stop by for Dean
382. Spending time with family
383. Games with good friends and family
384. Help with my doctor appointments - rides and sitters
385. Dream Foundation wanting to help with a trip to Disney!
386. People willing to find tickets for us for Disney
387. New niece being born (Thomas')
388. Watching snow fall
389. look of a snow globe outside
390. Fuzzy scarf around my neck
391. Cool vest with a furry neck fro Christmas
392. Cozy house on a cold day
393. Sledding in the dark
394. Kenzie singing as she sleds down the hill
395. snow angels
396. Dad taking off work to take me to my appointments
397. Dad buying me lunch
398. Dan cleaning up kenzie's vomit as I clean her
399. Looking forward to our trip to Disney
400. Planning our Disney vacation
401. A friend setting us up with a rental car
402. Dream Foundation getting us airline tickets
403. and a check for incidentals
404. Memories of Love providing accommodations
405. anticipating a fun filled, memory packed family vacation
406. warm winter day
407. Dean's ability to work on our cars
408. for my cancer
409. for snow to brighten the dark winter
410. sledding with friends
411. laughter on a snow covered hill
412. watching Kenzie enjoy sledding backwards
413. time, precious time with those I love
414. More time then I expected to prepare for Kenzie
415. a friend always willing to help
416. friends to do things with
417. enjoying the company of others
418. unexpected call from a stranger who prayed for healing
419. blessing from the unexpected call
420. encouragement and hope out of the blue
421. Wonderful program to create books for Kenzie
422. creative ideas to give memories to Kenzie
423. Ability to give parts of myself to Kenzie's future
424. time with my mom during chemo treatment
425. Mom stopping by just to say hi
426. Good plane rides to Orlando
427. Beautiful weather
428. Watching Kenzie's anticipation for Disney grow
429. Comfortable rental car
430. Beautiful, not too warm day for our first Disney day
431. room close to Disney to come back to each night
432. walking in just in time for a Mickey parade
433. Experiencing the "magic" of Disney through Kenzie's eyes
434. Seeing mickey's entertaining show
435. watching Kenzie wave until Mickey waved back
436. Good camera to take memory filled pics and videos
437. Dean's ability to keep up with Kenzie
438. God giving me strength to make it through
439. Riding on carousel's
440. Spinning joyously on the tea cups
441. Watching a magical princess and princes show
442. peace of walking a beach
443. Kenzie chasing seagulls
444. Joy on Kenzie's face as waves splashed her
445. finding part of a sand dollar
446. sunset over the ocean
447. beautiful blue of the ocean matching up to the sky
448. The wind in our hair
449. flutter of a hundred seagulls
450. Kenzie and Dean running up the beach
451. Seeing someone surf a wave
452. getting to the car just as the rain began
453. enjoying a meal as the storm passed
454. watching God's amazing creation perform - Shamu Show
455. tears of joy over the beauty of the whales
456. anticipation of when the whales would jump
457. catching the whales on film
458. ability of the trainers
459. Enjoying this amazing show with those I love
460. making unforgettable memories
461. watching the entertaining Sea Lion Show
462. Seeing an animals humorous side
463. Making it in time to see both shows
464. the grace of a dolphins jump
465. the knowledge God's creation has
466. energy to make it through each day
467. no hot flashes
468. tickets at Universal Studio allowing me front on the line access
469. the colors and decor of Dr. Seuss' land
470. Enjoyable activities for kenzie
471. Seeing a 4D show with my family
472. Getting to sit in the front row at the 4D show
473. Watching Kenzie enjoy all the attractions
474. Knowing God provided this memory filled vacation
475. safe trip home
476. making a scrapbook of our trip
477. finding the perfect Disney scrapbook to fill
478. "re-living" our trip through pictures and video
479. being able to get Kenzie many memorabilia from the trip
480. The Lord always providing our needs...
481. and sometimes our wants
482. my yard in bloom
483. beautiful tulips of many colors
484. the purple and white fluffy petals of an Iris
485. delicate hot pink flowers on our crab apple tree
486. tiny blooms on my creeping phlox
487. gorgeous little "heart" blooms (bleeding heart)
488. amazing bright blue of jack frost flowers
489. seeing God's amazing imagination and creativity through out flowers
490. flowers that bloom at different times
491. watching as my plants grow daily
492. finding easy directions to make hair bows for kenzie
493. Joy of creating something
494. making matching necklaces for Easter
495. being a part of our church's ground breaking
496. God keeping our Pastor safe as he suffers a heart attack
497. tiny, delicate blooms
498. my sister visiting
499. afternoon/lunch with my sister after chemo
500. Kenzie having time with her Auntie and cousin
501. Family outing to Knucklheads
502. go-cart race with mom, dad, Angie, Caleb, Dean, and Kenzie
503. laughing and playing as a family
504. my sister helping around the house
505. Angie getting up with Kenzie so I can sleep
506. Kenzie being in good spirits although sick with strep
507. Kenzie behaving well while out and about and sick
508. My husband expressing his love
509. My husband wanting to take Angie and Caleb out for fun
510. Energy to do things while my sister was here
511. Dean finding good deal on craigslist - Barbie Jeep
512. Kenzie loving her new jeep
513. Watching my baby drive around
514. Sweet, succulent smell of Lilly of the Valley
515. Beautiful "bell drop" flowers on Lilly of the Valley
516. pretty Columbine blooms
517. long lasting pain reliever
518. creativity time
519. watching my work turn into something
520. ability to use my hands to make something
521. enjoyment of curling up with a good book
522. my physical therapist and all her help
523. Bridgette always ready and willing to help
524. Kenzie getting to play with Sammy every week
525. rain drops on the grass
526. sun coming out after a rain
527. McDonald's caramel frape'
528. energy to scrapbook
529. comfortable home
530. air conditioning on a warm, muggy day
531. cars to get us where we need to go
532. beautiful violet always in bloom
533. gorgeous dwarf iris
534. great garden by driveway
535. watching the earth "come alive" in spring
536. My dad's boss providing a gas card for hospital trips for 3 years now
2. patter of little feet
3. delicious homemade cappuccino
4. cool morning amongst hot days
5. little girl's excitement from pottying in potty chair
6. rubs from a kitty
7. little girl kisses
8. morning cuddles
9. warm showers
10. shaving cream (this may seem dumb, but really it is a huge blessing!!!)
11. kitty chasing water drops on shower curtain
12. little kisses from out of the blue
13. cuddly little girl hugs
14. I love you too's
15. friends who reach out
16. cool breeze from the air conditioner
17. continued work for my husband
18. beautiful blooms
19. bunny laying in the grass
20. giggles
21. smiles
22. tired little eyes
23. folding tiny clothes
24. energy to do some shopping
25. home grown veggies
26. homemade pumpkin oie in the oven
27. people making a point to say "hi"
28. fresh applie pie smell
29. sleepy "hi mommy"'s
30. birds singing in the trees
31. cool morning
32. Kenzie saying "Mommy, that was sweet..."
33. prayer before meals
34. reading time before bed
35. Story time with Kenzie
36. Kenzie talking to her toys
37. imagination
38. glitter and glue
39. movie time
40. dancing little munchkin
41. "look at me mom" 's
42. kisses from a sweet little girl when you don't know it's coming
43. camera to capture memories
44. "I want to take a picture" from Kenzie to me... with me
45. teaching Kenzie how to cut
46. going out with friends
47. experiencing something new for Kenzie through her eyes
48. family walks
49. people planning an outing with us
50. "You look beautiful mommy"
51. "you're my mommy!'
52. dinner with the parents
53. beauty of green plants
54. watching Kenzie wake up
55. rain lightly falling in the grass
(Mackenzie center outing)
56. sleeping skunk
57. playful otter
58. racoon climbing a fence to entertain us
59. beautiful doe playing peek a bo in the trees
60. dirt smeared smiling face
61. mountain lion gracefully pacing
62. lynx sleeping so cute on a branch
63. Kenzie's excitement to play with kids
64. invitations to hang out
65. adult conversation
66. having another woman interested in friendship
67. a chance to have honest, sincere conversation
68. knowing someone cares about me and my life
69. golden corn tassles standing tall
70. leaves moving in the breeze
71. ground hog running across the road
72. puppy chasing a butterfly
73. strangers donating money toward my cancer fund
74. brat fry's
75. quiet time
76. football season
77. parades
78. smell of rain
79. beautiful rainbows
80. sun peeking through the clouds
81. smell of freshly mowed grass
82. good physical therapist
83. muscle relief
84. Bridgette watching Kenzie
85. kids Kenzie loves to play with
86. smell of clean laundery floating on the wind
87. bright starts shining in the sky
88. peaceful evening
89. bonfires
90. smores all sticky and sweet
91. conviction to do what's right
92. anticipating my sister's visit
93. visiting with my sister
94. family games
95. cool cave on a hot day (cave of the mounds)
96. pretty colors on cave walls
97. beautiful ctalagmytes
98. digging for treasures
99. panning for "gold"
100. Kenzie's face seeing new things
101. Kenzie playing with her cousins
102. laughs and giggles
103. running and playing
104. tag and races
105. Kayla "mothering" Kenzie
106. pig races
107. horse talking to us
108. Llama lips tickling my hand
109. goat squeezing his head through the fence for food
110. baby mini horse cuddling with his mama
111. tiny baby goat playing king of the hay mound
112. Kayla, Caleb, and Nathan riding fair rides together
113. Angie, Kayla, Caleb, Kenzie and I racing on a slide
114. Kenzie and Nana riding a ferris wheel together
115. Daddy and I riding on ferris wheel
116. Family time at the fair
117. cheese curds and battered mushrooms!
118. snow cone to cool us on a super hot day
119. girl time - me, mom, and Angie
120. Shopping deals
121. Christmas shopping
122. Caleb hugs and kisses
123. Kayla hugs and cuddles
124. Nathan hugs
125."love you Auntie Mel" 's
126. Mom and Angie "cupping" me
127. Quality time with my sister
128. Kayla pushing Kenzie in the stroller
129. Kayla helping Kenzie go potty
130. Kayla pushing Kenzie on the swing
131. Kids playing tag
132. Gramps wrestling with the grandkids
133. whole family together for a BBQ
134. Pontoon Ride
135. Uncle Blake jumping in the lake so Kenzie could go in
136. Caleb driving the boat like a big boy
137. Kenzie helping steer
138. the men climbing a huge tree to put up a swing
139. awesome swing
140. Dean trying to give Angie an underdog
141. baseball with the kids
142. sticky marshmallows on Kenzie's lips
143. family jesting
144. rootbeer floats
145. a listening ear
146. good advice
147. helpful friends
148. a call from my brother
149. little girl with dry undies all night and day
150. pain subsiding
151. fresh vegetables
152. amazing blue sky
153. fluffy white clouds floating by
154. quiet walks
155. long talk with God
156. beautiful colors God painted our world with
157. black-burgandy leaves on a tree
158. differen shades of green on trees and bushes
159. contrasting textures in nature
160. Mackenzie making up songs
161. fresh baked oatmeal cookies
162. lunch with a friend
163. adult conversation
164. beautiful cool days
165. exercise
166. accountability
167. Bible study with a friend
168. slobbery Kenzie kisses
169. "cuddle me mom"'s
170. family fishing time
171. Kenzie loving to fish with her fishing "hole"
172. watching Kenzie learning to cast
173. reeling in her fish with daddy
174. a husband who works hard and long to provide for us
175. husband working on the cars
176. Kenzie licking her ice cream bowl clean
177. swinging with my baby
178. buttery corn on the cob
179. leaves just beginning to change colors
180. smell of laundry drying
181. clean sheets washed with downy
182. crisp morning air
183. sunset boat ride
184. wedding in the park
185. red roses
186. good turnout with first fondant attempt
187. playful kitty
188. meal with friends
189. dad's dessert
190. oatmeal raisin cookies scenting up my house
191. Fall decorations
192. answered prayer
193. appraisal coming back where we need it
194. 2 1/2% interest cut on loan
195. beautiful sunset on the water
196. boat ride with family and friends
197. fishing with Kenzie and Dean and friends
198. moonlight on the lake
199. help from a stranger
200. Dean's handiness
201. giving friends and neighbors
202. another year with Kenzie
203. breezy day
204. colorful flowers in my yard
205. water trickling down a waterfall
206. wonderful walk with Kenzie
207. amazing oranges, reds and yellows on a tree
208. peaceful, quiet moments in nature
209. water fountains
210. picking up colorful leaves
211. beautiful weather for Kenzie's birthday party
212. time with friends and family
213. time and ability to make Kenzie's cake
214. curious daughter
215. thoughtful friends
216. watching Kenzie play with other kids
217. the joy on Kenzie's face opening her gifts
218. pinata breaking and kids scrambling for candy
219.sense of accomplishment
220. freshly picked apples
221. gorgeous piano special
222. uplifting music
223. Kenzie running with balloons
224. imagination
225. ribbons blowing in the wind
226. memories
227. finding the perfect gift for my sister
228. Kenzie "doctoring" me
229. friends willing to help
230. quiet time with God
231. prayer
232. knowing other are praying for me
233. studying Job
234. walk with leaves scattered around me
235. thoughtful card
236. colorful mums
237. pumpkins, round and orange
238. cozy home
239. knowing my baby loves me!
240. holding Kenzie while she sleeps
241. Kenzie comforting me
242. rainbow hues in bubbles
243. Kenzie chasing bubbles
244. making a leaf craft with Kenzie
245. comfort from a friend
246. parents trying to hid that they are worried
247. hovering parents because they care
248. beautiful weather for a walk
249. bright red leaves
250. candle burning
251. quick timing for radio surgery
252. good doctors
253. drugs to help calm me during the procedure
254. family to "entertain" me
255. family to comfort me
256. pastor who takes the time to visit and encourage and pray
257. strength to make it through and endure a scary ordeal
258. family to help during recovery
259. strength and energy for my husband
260. Kenzie being "gentle"
261. Kenzie telling me she "knows how it feels"
262. and saying "it's okay mommy, I'm here now"
263. watching Kenzie play... so much imagination
264. the hope my doctor gave that the surgery should stop the cancer in the brain
265. help from friends spur of the moment
266. answered prayer
267. less pain then I thought I would experience
268. flowers delivered to my door
269. friends helping with Kenzie
270. mom taking time to help with rides and Kenzie
271. last minute help
272. closer place for natural treatment
273. beautiful Fall
274. leaves floating down from the trees
275. bright orange pumpkin
276. pretty white pumpkin
277. hayride on a warm fall day
278. watching Kenzie enjoy a train ride
279. family putt-putt golf
280. Kenzie "testing" the air to golf
281. meals provided during a hard time
282. ducks "fishing" in a pond
283. tight kenzie hugs
284. "I love you so much mom"'s
285. the opportunity to talk to someone who truly understands
286. road covered in leaves surrounded by trees
287. Christmas music
288. Kenzie excited to see me
289. "Mommy I'm so glad your here"'s
290. helpful friends
291. compassion
292. genuine interest in me and what's going on
293. best physical therapist ever
294. candle burning on a dreary day
295. doctor who cares
296. beautiful, long-lasting Fall colors
297. smell of my wood burning stove
298. watching flames flicker
299. family dinner at the in-laws
300. the love of my beautiful daughter
301. Kenzie dancing with her daddy
302. un-abandoned laughter
303. joy in the simple things
304. Fall beauty
305. God's majestic handiwork
306. God's protection
307. the help of friends
308. day with my mother-in-law
309. Kenzie doing "tricks" on the bed (acrobatics)
310. warm fire on a chilly day
311. scrapbooking
312. pictures to tell our memories
313. first snow
314. Kenzie - "look it's snowing, it's wintering out!"
315. cuddling by the fire
316. large, fluffy, white snowflakes
317. snowball fight with kenzie
318. building a snowman
319. Kenzie hugging ma and Dean and saying "It's a fun wonderland"
320. Fellowship with a friend
321. Kenzie playing with her friends
322. Energy to accomplish some projects
323. The Lord giving me a slow, easy week
324. Christmas music
325. Decorating for Christmas
326. Anticipating the holidays
327. Cuddling with my kitty
328. The Lord providing unexpectedly
329. Shopping for presents
330. Friends willing to help out
331. Kenzie telling me I look beautiful
332. Safe birth for my cousins baby
333. Safety for a friend who had a heart attack
334. Amazing PET results
335. Radiation oncologist who remembers and cares
336. Wonderful people all over the world praying for me
337. Mom who takes me to many appointments
338. Mother-in-law who stays over to watch Kenzie
339. Family and friends there for the ups and downs
340. beautiful, cool, crisp weather
341. Awesome cell phone
342. Ability to keep in contact with people with a simple key stroke
343. Energy to do the laundry
344. Stamina to clean the house
345. Less side effects to chemo this week
346. Strength to care for Kenzie
347. Good days after chemo
348. Christmas parade
349. Sparkly lights on our tree
350. Spirit of Christmas
351. Buying gifts for family
352. Early gifts :)
353. Silly Kenzie
354. Friends for Kenzie
355. Getting closer to people
356. Getting to know friends better
357. Spending time with others
358. Watching a movie by the fire
359. Christmas treats
360. Helpful husband when I really need him
361. Doodlebug the clown stopping by
362. Watching Kenzie enjoy Doodlebug
363. Anticipation of Christmas
364. Strength to enjoy my baby
365. Snow on Christmas Eve
366. Kenzie's excitement over opening gifts
367. Suprising Dean with his gifts
368. Peeling back wrapping paper
369. Skype to watch extended family open our gifts
370. Watching others enjoy the gifts we give
371. Quality time with Dean and Kenzie
372. Enjoying another Christmas
373. Hearing Kenzie re-tell her story of running over a boy on a sled
374. Getting to spend more time with Dean
375. Sledding at night with Dean and Kenzie
376. Watching Kenzie walk up the hill pulling her sled with dad
377. The feel of wind and snow on my face
378. Energy to play in the snow with kenzie
379. Less side effects to chemo recently
380. Celebrating Dean's 40th birthday
381. Friends taking time to stop by for Dean
382. Spending time with family
383. Games with good friends and family
384. Help with my doctor appointments - rides and sitters
385. Dream Foundation wanting to help with a trip to Disney!
386. People willing to find tickets for us for Disney
387. New niece being born (Thomas')
388. Watching snow fall
389. look of a snow globe outside
390. Fuzzy scarf around my neck
391. Cool vest with a furry neck fro Christmas
392. Cozy house on a cold day
393. Sledding in the dark
394. Kenzie singing as she sleds down the hill
395. snow angels
396. Dad taking off work to take me to my appointments
397. Dad buying me lunch
398. Dan cleaning up kenzie's vomit as I clean her
399. Looking forward to our trip to Disney
400. Planning our Disney vacation
401. A friend setting us up with a rental car
402. Dream Foundation getting us airline tickets
403. and a check for incidentals
404. Memories of Love providing accommodations
405. anticipating a fun filled, memory packed family vacation
406. warm winter day
407. Dean's ability to work on our cars
408. for my cancer
409. for snow to brighten the dark winter
410. sledding with friends
411. laughter on a snow covered hill
412. watching Kenzie enjoy sledding backwards
413. time, precious time with those I love
414. More time then I expected to prepare for Kenzie
415. a friend always willing to help
416. friends to do things with
417. enjoying the company of others
418. unexpected call from a stranger who prayed for healing
419. blessing from the unexpected call
420. encouragement and hope out of the blue
421. Wonderful program to create books for Kenzie
422. creative ideas to give memories to Kenzie
423. Ability to give parts of myself to Kenzie's future
424. time with my mom during chemo treatment
425. Mom stopping by just to say hi
426. Good plane rides to Orlando
427. Beautiful weather
428. Watching Kenzie's anticipation for Disney grow
429. Comfortable rental car
430. Beautiful, not too warm day for our first Disney day
431. room close to Disney to come back to each night
432. walking in just in time for a Mickey parade
433. Experiencing the "magic" of Disney through Kenzie's eyes
434. Seeing mickey's entertaining show
435. watching Kenzie wave until Mickey waved back
436. Good camera to take memory filled pics and videos
437. Dean's ability to keep up with Kenzie
438. God giving me strength to make it through
439. Riding on carousel's
440. Spinning joyously on the tea cups
441. Watching a magical princess and princes show
442. peace of walking a beach
443. Kenzie chasing seagulls
444. Joy on Kenzie's face as waves splashed her
445. finding part of a sand dollar
446. sunset over the ocean
447. beautiful blue of the ocean matching up to the sky
448. The wind in our hair
449. flutter of a hundred seagulls
450. Kenzie and Dean running up the beach
451. Seeing someone surf a wave
452. getting to the car just as the rain began
453. enjoying a meal as the storm passed
454. watching God's amazing creation perform - Shamu Show
455. tears of joy over the beauty of the whales
456. anticipation of when the whales would jump
457. catching the whales on film
458. ability of the trainers
459. Enjoying this amazing show with those I love
460. making unforgettable memories
461. watching the entertaining Sea Lion Show
462. Seeing an animals humorous side
463. Making it in time to see both shows
464. the grace of a dolphins jump
465. the knowledge God's creation has
466. energy to make it through each day
467. no hot flashes
468. tickets at Universal Studio allowing me front on the line access
469. the colors and decor of Dr. Seuss' land
470. Enjoyable activities for kenzie
471. Seeing a 4D show with my family
472. Getting to sit in the front row at the 4D show
473. Watching Kenzie enjoy all the attractions
474. Knowing God provided this memory filled vacation
475. safe trip home
476. making a scrapbook of our trip
477. finding the perfect Disney scrapbook to fill
478. "re-living" our trip through pictures and video
479. being able to get Kenzie many memorabilia from the trip
480. The Lord always providing our needs...
481. and sometimes our wants
482. my yard in bloom
483. beautiful tulips of many colors
484. the purple and white fluffy petals of an Iris
485. delicate hot pink flowers on our crab apple tree
486. tiny blooms on my creeping phlox
487. gorgeous little "heart" blooms (bleeding heart)
488. amazing bright blue of jack frost flowers
489. seeing God's amazing imagination and creativity through out flowers
490. flowers that bloom at different times
491. watching as my plants grow daily
492. finding easy directions to make hair bows for kenzie
493. Joy of creating something
494. making matching necklaces for Easter
495. being a part of our church's ground breaking
496. God keeping our Pastor safe as he suffers a heart attack
497. tiny, delicate blooms
498. my sister visiting
499. afternoon/lunch with my sister after chemo
500. Kenzie having time with her Auntie and cousin
501. Family outing to Knucklheads
502. go-cart race with mom, dad, Angie, Caleb, Dean, and Kenzie
503. laughing and playing as a family
504. my sister helping around the house
505. Angie getting up with Kenzie so I can sleep
506. Kenzie being in good spirits although sick with strep
507. Kenzie behaving well while out and about and sick
508. My husband expressing his love
509. My husband wanting to take Angie and Caleb out for fun
510. Energy to do things while my sister was here
511. Dean finding good deal on craigslist - Barbie Jeep
512. Kenzie loving her new jeep
513. Watching my baby drive around
514. Sweet, succulent smell of Lilly of the Valley
515. Beautiful "bell drop" flowers on Lilly of the Valley
516. pretty Columbine blooms
517. long lasting pain reliever
518. creativity time
519. watching my work turn into something
520. ability to use my hands to make something
521. enjoyment of curling up with a good book
522. my physical therapist and all her help
523. Bridgette always ready and willing to help
524. Kenzie getting to play with Sammy every week
525. rain drops on the grass
526. sun coming out after a rain
527. McDonald's caramel frape'
528. energy to scrapbook
529. comfortable home
530. air conditioning on a warm, muggy day
531. cars to get us where we need to go
532. beautiful violet always in bloom
533. gorgeous dwarf iris
534. great garden by driveway
535. watching the earth "come alive" in spring
536. My dad's boss providing a gas card for hospital trips for 3 years now
Change of heart, Change of mind
I have been reading this book, A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are One Thousand Gifts, by Ann Voskamp. It has been such a conviction to me and I have decided to accept the challenge. I am going to look for the joy in my day to day living and find 1000 things to thank God for.
In reading some of the author's list I realized we can be thankful for the smallest things! If you are anything like me, you generally look for bigger happenings in your life to thank God for.... but.. what about the small things. Can you imagine how much we can thank God for if we include what we consider the "small" stuff? Some of the things she puts on her list is Laughter at twilight, Glow of the front porch light, book pages turning, click of a seat belt... these are things we overlook and think of as insignificant... how wrong are we! These small things are what bring us joy all day!
In giving thanks to God for everything we gain joy in all things! A joyful life! What more can we ask for? When we are looking for things to find joy in, our whole out look will change. We will love deeper, live better... we will treat others better and in return be treated better!
I encourage you to take this challenge with me. I will put up a separate post where I can continually add to my list of thanks and would love to see what you have on your list!
Lets enter into a new life of thanks and joy!
In reading some of the author's list I realized we can be thankful for the smallest things! If you are anything like me, you generally look for bigger happenings in your life to thank God for.... but.. what about the small things. Can you imagine how much we can thank God for if we include what we consider the "small" stuff? Some of the things she puts on her list is Laughter at twilight, Glow of the front porch light, book pages turning, click of a seat belt... these are things we overlook and think of as insignificant... how wrong are we! These small things are what bring us joy all day!
In giving thanks to God for everything we gain joy in all things! A joyful life! What more can we ask for? When we are looking for things to find joy in, our whole out look will change. We will love deeper, live better... we will treat others better and in return be treated better!
I encourage you to take this challenge with me. I will put up a separate post where I can continually add to my list of thanks and would love to see what you have on your list!
Lets enter into a new life of thanks and joy!
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